The Worst News Ever

After going to the doctor and giving blood yesterday they called and said that my HCG levels were at less than 1. So I lost the pregnancy. We have never been through anything more devastating than what we have been through since Sunday. We had the highest of highs Sunday and Monday thinking we were pregnant. Then Tuesday with the news from the doctor we got scared and then Wednesday our fears were confirmed. What makes this so hard is that we used our last embryos and we don't have anymore money to go through IVF again at least not for a long while. Which means our hopes of being a mommy and daddy seem farther and farther away. While we haven't lost our faith we are wondering where God is in all this. We feel as though He has deserted us. We know that He hasn't but that's the way we feel. Surely it can only get better from here but I feel as though I will always hurt.
My sweet doctor called this morning to say that he was sorry for our loss and that is was probably a biochemical pregnancy. I looked up what a biochemical pregnancy is and copied this from another doctor's blog:
The definition of a biochemical pregnancy is a pregnancy that stops growing before it is large enough to be seen on ultrasound. It’s a very early miscarriage. The causes are the same as for any miscarriage. By far, the most common reason is that the embryo is genetically abnormal, that is it doesn’t have the right number of chromosomes. And although it has the tools to grow for a while, as the embryo grows and needs to become more complex, the tools run out and the embryo can grow no more.

Right now we just need lots of prayers. We are trying to figure why God would not allow a baby to be born to us. We would have taught this baby about Him and how to live a life for Christ and honestly were excited to do it. We just have great difficulty understanding why God wouldn't allow it for us but He allows it for other who do not have that passion for Him. Don't know that we will ever understand this.